So this post was going to be a an overview of our "perfect day" at Australia Zoo with a review on the various exhibits and show... however something else came to me whilst I was preparing a "mental" draft of this blog in the shower this morning. Something real, something important and something that I think is worth sharing with other parents.
I had one of those parenting "A-Ha" moments (you know, like you hear on Ooooprah) and it happened on our family trip to Australia Zoo - me, hubby and our boys aged 3 and 5. My a-ha moment involved my #2-son (the 3 year-old) who is the most challenging of our children because of his... intense energy, spirit, enthusiasm and excitement. He tends to travel through life at 100 miles an hour... and that can be REALLY hard work.
Most times when we go places we dread having to deal with #2-son's behaviour - doesn't matter where, it could be the supermarket, picking up my older son after school, but especially long drives and going to places with new things and lots of people.
Such was the feeling before our Australia Zoo trip. However, my perspective on his behaviour, and my approach in dealing with it, has been changing... with a lot of thanks to the Facebook page Positive Parenting. I am now trying to focus less on the fact that my boy can't sit still and more on what this means about the person he is and how we can better "manage" and direct that behaviour... rather than "control" his behaviour.
See, #2-son was not naughty at Australia Zoo... he was just full-on excited the whole time. He wanted to take photos of everything, he didn't really want to sit down for lunch, he found it hard to wait in lines and couldn't stop himself from touching items in the gift store etc etc. But this is fantastic because he is an adventurer. He will do some awesome things in life because he has that insatiable curiosity and drive to get there and do that - now! Not later, but now. I know there are lessons in patience and realising that there are other members of the family who also want to see and do things that may differ to him, however my approach to difficult behaviour is no longer this: "#2-Son!" (I don't actually call him that) "It is not all about you! Slow Down! DON'T run!! Not so loud!... etc etc".
My parenting communication now starts BEFORE an outing/activity. We have a chat before we reach the Zoo - or shop, playground, school etc etc - "What are our rules for this day? What are we each excited about seeing/doing? What will our day look like? etc etc" so that #2-son (and the rest of the family) is assured that we will get to see/do everything that everyone wants so we don't need to freak out. Because most of the "bad" behaviour is fear of not getting to do something or frustration that people don't understand.
I have found this allows me to appreciate the person my #2-son is; it allows me to acknowledge his desires and also allows him to hear the desires of other family members. We can create a plan for the day (or drive/next hour) and we can discuss what is important to each of us... so we all feel heard and practice hearing others.
It is definitely a journey, but finally I feel I am on the right path.
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